My Raw & Real Breastfeeding Journey: The Highs, The Lows, & Finding My Rhythm

Hey fam! Lo here, and today we're gonna get super real about something that's been a huge part of my life with all three of my girls: breastfeeding. Idk if this makes sense but it's just such a rollercoaster for me! I feel so grateful to do it but it can also be a lot so I just wanted to share ❤

When I first became a mom with Stella, I had this picture in my head, you know? Like, it would be this magical, instant bond, super easy, and just… perfect. And don't get me wrong, there are moments that are absolutely that. Moments where she's latched on, looking up at me, and I just feel this overwhelming rush of love and connection that's unlike anything else. Heaven on earth fr. But then there are the other moments. The painful moments, the moments of doubt, the moments where you feel like your body isn't doing what it's 'supposed' to do, or the moments where you're just so dang tired you could cry. And I think that's the part we don't talk about enough. It's not always sunshine and rainbows, and that's okay. It's normal. It's real.

The Early Days: Stella & Ozzy's Journeys

With Stella, my firstborn, everything was so new. I was a brand new mom, trying to figure out literally everything. Breastfeeding felt like this huge responsibility, and I put so much pressure on myself. I remember the cracked nipples, the engorgement, the constant worry about whether she was getting enough. I felt like I was constantly attached to her, and while I loved the snuggles, it was also really isolating sometimes. I didn't know anyone else who was going through it at the exact same time, so I felt like I was on an island. I pushed through though, because I just knew in my heart I wanted to give her that. And we did it for a long time, which I'm so proud of. It taught me so much about my own resilience and my body's incredible power.

Then came Ozzy. With my second, I thought, 'Okay, I've done this before! I got this!' Hahah. Oh, Lo. Bless your heart. While some things were easier – I knew what to expect with the initial pain, I knew how to latch better – Ozzy brought her own set of challenges. She was a tiny little thing, and sometimes it felt like she just wasn't getting enough. We had some struggles with weight gain early on, which brought back all those anxieties from Stella's journey. I remember sitting there, crying sometimes, just feeling so defeated. Tanner was always my rock, telling me I was doing great, reminding me to breathe. He's the best hype man, honestly. We ended up doing a bit of combo feeding with Ozzy for a while, and honestly, that was the best decision for us. It took so much pressure off, and she thrived. It taught me that it's okay to pivot, it's okay to do what's best for YOUR baby and YOUR mental health, even if it's not what you originally planned.

Cherry & The DMER Discovery

And now, sweet baby Cherry. My third girl, and this journey has been the most eye-opening of all, especially because of something I learned about called DMER. If you've never heard of it, you're not alone! I hadn't either until I started experiencing it with Cherry, and let me tell you, it was a game-changer to finally put a name to what I was feeling.

DMER stands for Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex. Basically, for some women, right before or during their milk let-down, they experience a sudden, intense wave of negative emotions. And when I say negative, I mean like, a pit in your stomach, a feeling of dread, anxiety, sadness, even anger or disgust. It's not postpartum depression, it's not a dislike for your baby, it's a physiological response to the hormones released during let-down. It usually only lasts for a minute or two, but those minutes can feel like an eternity.

When I first started feeling this with Cherry, I was so confused and honestly, a little scared. Every time she would latch, or sometimes even just thinking about it, I'd get this wave of intense sadness wash over me. It felt like my heart was dropping into my stomach. I'd feel irritable, anxious, and just… off. And then, just as quickly as it came, it would pass. I remember thinking, 'What is wrong with me? Why am I feeling this way when I'm supposed to be feeling love and connection?' I felt so guilty. I h8 that about myself hahah, always feeling guilty for things I can't control.

I started doing some digging online, because I just knew this couldn't be 'normal' for me. And that's when I stumbled upon DMER. Reading about it was like a lightbulb went off. This is what I'm feeling! It wasn't me, it was my hormones. It was such a relief to know there was a name for it and that other women experienced it too. It didn't make the feeling go away, but it made it understandable. It took away the guilt and replaced it with knowledge.

Knowing about DMER has made this breastfeeding journey with Cherry so much more manageable. Instead of fighting the feelings or judging myself, I acknowledge them. I tell myself, 'Okay, this is DMER, it's going to pass in a minute.' Sometimes I'll just take a deep breath, or distract myself by scrolling on my phone for those first few minutes. It's not perfect, but it's helped me to continue breastfeeding Cherry, which is something I really wanted to do for her. It's still a challenge sometimes, but knowing what's happening makes all the difference.

Finding Your Support System & Permission to Be You

One of the biggest lessons I've learned through all three of my breastfeeding journeys is the importance of a support system. For me, that's Tanner, my mom, and my online community. My mom raised me as a single mom, and she's always been my biggest cheerleader. She reminds me that I'm doing great, even when I feel like I'm not. And Tanner, bless his heart, he's always there to listen, to bring me water, or to just hold my hand when I'm feeling overwhelmed. He doesn't always understand the physical sensations, but he understands my emotional experience, and that's everything.

And then there's you guys! Seriously, sharing my journey, the good and the bad, with all of you has been so incredibly validating. When I share something real and raw, and I get messages back saying 'Me too!' or 'Thank you for sharing, I thought I was alone,' it just warms my heart so much. It reminds me that we're all in this together, navigating the beautiful chaos of motherhood.

I also want to give you permission, if you need it, to do what's best for YOU and your baby. Whether that's exclusively breastfeeding, exclusively pumping, combo feeding, formula feeding from day one, or anything in between. There is no right or wrong way to nourish your baby. The most important thing is that your baby is fed, loved, and that you are okay. Your mental health matters. Your well-being matters. A happy, healthy mama is the best mama, no matter how baby is fed.

My Go-To's for a Smoother Ride (Because We All Need Help!)

Okay, so since we're talking real talk, I wanted to share a few things that have genuinely helped me along the way. These aren't sponsored, just things I actually use and love!

• A good nursing pillow: Seriously, a lifesaver for comfort, especially in those early days when you're nursing constantly. It saves your back and arms sm.
• Hydration, hydration, hydration: I swear, I feel like I'm always thirsty when I'm breastfeeding. I keep a huge water bottle with me at all times. Tanner makes sure it's always full, he's the best.
• Snacks! Easy, one-handed snacks are your best friend. Think granola bars, fruit, nuts. I get so hungry!
• Nipple balm: For real, don't skimp on this. Your nipples will thank you. Lanolin, coconut oil, whatever works for you.
• Comfortable nursing bras: Investing in a few good ones makes a huge difference. You're gonna be living in them, so make them comfy!
• A hands-free pumping bra: If you're pumping at all, this is a MUST. It gives you back two hands, which feels like a superpower when you have little ones.
• An understanding partner/support system: I know I already said it, but it's worth repeating. Having someone who listens, helps, and doesn't judge is priceless.
• Permission to rest: This is a big one. When baby sleeps, rest. Even if it's just sitting down with your feet up for 10 minutes. You're doing hard work!

So yeah, that's my raw and real take on breastfeeding. It's messy, it's beautiful, it's challenging, and it's incredibly rewarding. If you're on your own journey, whatever that looks like, I see you. You're doing amazing. Keep going, mama. You got this. Sending all my love and virtual hugs! ❤