Keeping It Together: How Tanner & I Navigate the Wild Ride of Parenthood (Mostly hahah)

Okay, so you guys saw the caption from that pic, right? "So glad Tanner and I were able to keep it together hahah." And honestly, that’s such a real, raw, unfiltered look into our lives sometimes. Like, I’m not gonna lie, there are days – probably more than I’d care to admit – where I look at Tanner, and he looks at me, and we just have this silent conversation that goes something like, “Are we doing this? Is this real life? How are we still standing?” hahah. And then we usually just burst out laughing bc what else are you gonna do, right? :)

Being parents to Stella, Ozzy, and our sweet baby Cherry is the most incredible, beautiful, messy, chaotic, heartwarming thing we’ve ever done. It’s truly heaven on earth fr. But let’s be real, it’s also a lot. Like, a LOT a lot. And keeping our relationship strong, keeping our sanity (mostly), and just generally keeping it together as a couple while raising three little humans? That’s the real challenge, and it’s something we’re always working on. I wanted to share a little bit about what that looks like for us, bc maybe it’ll resonate with some of you, or maybe it’ll just make you feel like you’re not alone in the beautiful chaos. :)

Communication is Our Lifeline (Even When It's Just a Look)

This is probably the most cliché advice ever, right? “Communicate!” But seriously, for Tanner and me, it’s everything. And it’s not always about having these deep, sit-down conversations (though those are important too!). Sometimes it’s just a look across the room when Stella is having a meltdown about her socks, and Ozzy is trying to feed Cherry a crayon, and the dog just threw up on the rug. That look says, “I see you. I know this is a lot. We’re in this together.” And honestly, that’s enough sometimes to just take a deep breath and keep going.

We try to check in with each other every day, even if it’s just for five minutes after the girls are asleep. “How was your day? What’s on your mind? What do you need from me?” Simple questions, but they make such a difference. It’s so easy to get caught up in the kid tornado and forget that you’re also a couple, not just co-parents. I love that Tanner is always so good about asking me how I’m doing, not just as a mom, but as Lo. It makes me feel seen, and I try to do the same for him. He’s my rock, my hype man, and my best friend, and I couldn’t imagine doing this without him. :,)

Date Nights (or Couch Dates) Are Non-Negotiable

Okay, so this one might sound impossible for some of you, especially with little ones. And trust me, I get it! Getting out of the house for a proper date night can feel like planning a small military operation. Finding a sitter, getting everyone fed, bathed, and asleep before you leave, then rushing home before the baby wakes up… it’s a lot.

But we try to make it happen when we can. Even if it’s just once a month, or every other month. It’s so important for us to step away from the “mom and dad” roles and just be “Lo and Tanner” again. To talk about things that aren’t related to diapers or school or what the girls ate for dinner. To laugh, to reconnect, to remember why we fell in love in the first place.

And when a real date night isn’t possible? We do couch dates! After the girls are asleep, we’ll put on a movie, order some takeout (or make some popcorn, my fave!), and just cuddle up. No phones, no distractions. Just us. It’s amazing how much a little intentional time together can recharge your batteries and make you feel connected again. Tanner is so good at making me feel special, even when we’re just sitting on the couch in our PJs. I’m so lucky.

Finding Your 'Thing' That Helps You Reset

For me, it’s a few things. Sometimes it’s just getting out for a walk by myself, listening to a podcast, or just enjoying the quiet. Other times, it’s a good workout. And honestly, sometimes it’s just taking a really long, hot shower after the girls are asleep. Just having that moment to myself, to breathe, to not be touched or needed for five minutes, is everything. It helps me reset and come back to my family as a better, more patient mom and wife. I used to feel guilty about taking time for myself, but I’ve learned that it’s not selfish, it’s necessary.

Tanner has his things too. He loves to get out and play basketball with his friends, or just have some quiet time to work on his projects. We’ve learned that it’s okay to give each other that space. In fact, it’s crucial. We come back to each other, and to our family, feeling refreshed and ready to tackle whatever comes next. It’s like filling up your own cup so you have more to pour out for everyone else. My mom always taught me that, and she raised me as a single mom, so she knows a thing or two about needing to reset. I’m so grateful for her wisdom.

It's Okay to Not Have It All Figured Out

This is a big one. I see so many perfect-looking families on social media (and ngl, sometimes I’m part of that, bc you usually only share the good stuff, right?). But the truth is, nobody has it all figured out. We’re all just doing our best, making mistakes, learning as we go. There are days when I feel like I’m nailing it, and then there are days when I’m convinced I’m doing everything wrong. And that’s okay!

Tanner and I have had so many moments where we just look at each other and say, “What are we doing?” or “Is this normal?” hahah. And usually, the answer is yes, it’s normal. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed, to feel exhausted, to feel like you’re constantly juggling a million things. The key is to be kind to yourself and to each other. To give grace. To remember that you’re a team, and you’re both doing your absolute best. I h8 that I sometimes get so hard on myself, but Tanner is always there to remind me to chill out. He’s the best at that.

Remembering Why You Started This Crazy Journey Together

At the end of the day, when the house is quiet (mostly!), and the girls are asleep, and Tanner and I are just sitting there, sometimes we’ll talk about how far we’ve come. We’ll look at pictures of when we first started dating, or when Stella was a baby, and just remember all the dreams we had. And now, seeing our three beautiful girls, seeing the family we’ve built together… it’s just everything. It’s so much more than we ever imagined. :,)

When things get tough, when we’re both tired and stressed, just remembering that core love, that foundation we built our family on, helps us push through. It reminds us that all the chaos, all the sleepless nights, all the tantrums… it’s all part of this incredible, beautiful journey we’re on together. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. I love this life, I love my family, and I love my Tanner sm. We’re keeping it together, one messy, beautiful day at a time. And that’s all we can ask for, fr. ❤