From Anxious Mama to Grateful Heart: My Journey to Baby Cherry

Oh my goodness, you guys. I'm sitting here, typing this out, and I can literally feel little Cherry doing her little dance moves inside me. It's wild. Like, truly wild. We are SO close to meeting her, and my heart is just bursting. But you know, it wasn't always this peaceful, grateful feeling. And I wanted to talk about that a little bit, bc I feel like maybe some of you out there might get it. It's okay to feel all the things, good and hard, when you're growing a human. It's a lot, fr. :,)

The Early Days: A Swirl of Nerves and Love

When we first found out about Cherry, it was, of course, pure joy. Another little Beeston, another tiny human to love with every fiber of our being. But honestly, pretty quickly after that initial excitement, a wave of anxiety just kinda washed over me. And it wasn't like a small wave, it was like a full-on tsunami of 'OMG, can I do this again? Will everything be okay? What if...?' You know those thoughts? They just come at you so fast and furious.

I think a big part of it was just how quickly everything happened after Ozzy. And then, you know, with Stella and Ozzy, we've had our share of little scares and worries along the way. Every pregnancy is different, every baby is different, and every time you do it, you're just praying with all your might that everything goes smoothly. I think bc I'm such a worrier by nature, my brain just went straight to all the 'what ifs' instead of just letting myself soak in the 'what is'. I h8 that about myself hahah, but it's just how my brain works sometimes. Tanner is always like, 'Lo, just breathe,' and I'm like, 'I AM BREATHING, I'M JUST ALSO FREAKIN OUT!' He's my rock though, always reminding me to chill.

Finding Peace Amidst the Chaos (and Nausea)

Those first few months were a blur of morning sickness (which, let's be real, is more like ALL-DAY sickness), exhaustion, and just trying to keep my head above water with two other little ones running around. I remember just feeling so overwhelmed sometimes, like I was constantly playing catch-up. And then on top of that, I was trying to process all these emotions about a new baby coming. It's a lot to juggle, mentally and physically. I think I spent half my time curled up on the couch, and the other half trying to pretend I had it all together for the girls. Ngl, it was hard.

But then, there are these little moments, these tiny glimpses of pure magic, that just snap you right back into perspective. For me, a lot of those moments came from Stella and Ozzy. Especially Stella. She's just got this old soul, you know? She's so intuitive and sweet. I remember telling her about Cherry, and the way she processed it... oh my heart. It was like she just *knew* what it meant, even though she's still so little. She started talking to my belly, singing to it, asking if the baby was hungry. It was the sweetest thing I've ever seen. And it just melted away so much of that anxiety, even if just for a little while. Seeing her excitement, her pure, unadulterated love, reminded me of the bigger picture. This isn't just *my* journey, it's *our* journey, as a family.

Tanner, My Hype Man and Anchor

I couldn't write about this without talking about Tanner. Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without him. He's not just my husband; he's my best friend, my therapist, my cheerleader, my everything. When I was feeling super anxious, he was the one who would just hold me, tell me it was going to be okay, and remind me of all the good things. He'd rub my back when I was feeling sick, he'd take the girls out so I could rest, he'd listen to all my worries without judgment. He's just always there, steady and strong, even when I feel like I'm a mess. I'm so grateful for him. He makes me feel like I can do anything, even when I'm doubting myself. He's the real MVP, fr.

Embracing the Unknown and Finding Gratitude

As the weeks turned into months, and my belly grew bigger and bigger, something shifted. The anxiety didn't completely disappear – I mean, I'm still me hahah – but it definitely quieted down. It was replaced by this profound sense of gratitude. Gratitude for this healthy pregnancy, for the girls who are so excited to meet their sister, for Tanner, for our home, for everything. I started to really lean into the excitement, to imagine what she'd be like, who she'd be. I started nesting like crazy, getting her nursery ready, washing all her tiny clothes. Each little task felt like a step closer to meeting her, and each step filled me with more joy than worry.

I think part of it is also just trusting the process. You can't control everything, and as a mom, that's a hard lesson to learn. But you learn it, eventually. You learn to let go a little, to trust your body, to trust that everything will work out the way it's supposed to. And when you do that, it's like a weight is lifted. I'm still a planner, don't get me wrong, but I've also learned to embrace the beautiful chaos that is life with three little girls. And soon, four! :,)

What I've Learned (and What I Hope You Take Away)

So, here we are. Days away. And my heart is just overflowing. I look back at those first few months, and I see a different version of myself, a more anxious, worried version. And I want to give her a hug and tell her it's all going to be okay. It's more than okay, it's going to be amazing. This journey has taught me so much about myself, about resilience, about the incredible power of love and family.

If you're out there, feeling anxious about your own pregnancy, or anything really, I just want you to know you're not alone. It's okay to feel that way. Give yourself grace. Lean on your people. Find those little moments of joy that remind you of the bigger picture. And trust that you are strong enough, capable enough, and loved enough to get through anything. You got this, mama. We got this.

I can't wait to introduce you all to our sweet Cherry. Get ready for all the baby snuggles and probably a lot less sleep hahah, but it's all worth it. Every single second. I love my babies so much!! ❤